


Golden

by dhyanshiva



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Multisong, Non-Linear Narrative, Old Is Gold, Pre-Canon, Puraane Gaane Supremacy, Slow Build, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhyanshiva/pseuds/dhyanshiva
Summary: He knew what this meant for him, for them and how nervous his boyfriend was tonight. He watched as Kartik cleared his throat and adjusted his grip on the microphone. His free hand rested against the body of the guitar and Aman thought he could see it tremble slightly. He knew the set off by heart, Kartik had been practicing for months - the songs had been a part of their journey too and Aman was sure this would go better than Kartik feared.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi, Rajni Tripathi and Aman Tripathi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 10





	1. Dheere Dheere Se Meri Zindagi Mein Aana

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kiranwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranwrites/gifts).



> For Kiran
> 
> This piece became too long to post as a single part/ chapter, hence its division into 3
> 
> As this year comes to an end, I took the opportunity, on suggestion, to experiment a bit.
> 
> The 'playlist' for this is placed in the end note of the 3rd part
> 
> Thank you for everything,
> 
> Dhyan x
> 
> P.S. A massive thank you to Sargun for helping me with a hurdle in the piece - you're a lifesaver <3

**14.02.2018**

It felt good to be back in here in this quaint cafe and it was by luck that tonight’s theme was ‘ _ Old Is Gold _ ’ (cliche taken in stride because it’s true, really). Given the date, Aman could see many couples in the evening rush hour and the dormant ache in his chest returned full force at the realisation that he couldn’t show his affection for Kartik in the same way as the rest were. They’d taken up a table to the side of the room with a perfect view of the platform. Aman smiled as Kartik took a seat, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room without having to say a word. Aman met his gaze and gave him a reassuring smile.

He knew what this meant for him, for  _ them  _ and how nervous his boyfriend was tonight. He watched as Kartik cleared his throat and adjusted his grip on the microphone. His free hand rested against the body of the guitar and Aman thought he could see it tremble slightly. He knew the set off by heart, Kartik had been practicing for months - the songs had been a part of their journey too and Aman was sure this would go better than Kartik feared . 

“Mathur  _ ji  _ has been kind enough to let me sing tonight and seeing as our theme is, well, a trip back in time, I thought I’d perform a few songs that are quite close to my heart. Today also marks the 3 year anniversary of the day I plucked up the courage to ask my partner out for the first time and we’re as strong as ever today. Tonight is all about celebrating the trials and triumphs of love - feel free to join in. Thank you.”

Aman marveled at the way Kartik seemed to become one with the music, entirely in its thrall. With the opening chords alone, the man had everyone transfixed and Aman noticed a few people begin to sway in time with the familiar melody. As the second verse began, Aman felt himself go back down memory lane, to the time when they’d first come across one another 4 years ago.

20.12.2013 - 20. 04. 2014

_Jis Roz Se_ Dekha _Hai Usko_

 _Hum_ Shama _Jalaana Bhool_ _Gaye_

_ Dil Thaam  _ _ Ke AiseBaithe  _ _ Hain _

_ Kahin Aana Jaana  _ _ Bhool Gaye _

_ Ab Aath Pahar  _ _ In Aakhon  _ _ Mein _

_ Koi Chanchal  _ _ Mukhda Rehta  _ _ Hai _

Aman had only moved into their neighbourhood a few days prior when Kartik Singh knocked on his door to introduce himself. As such, he hadn’t gone out to seek social interaction - Aman hadn’t thought anyone had noticed his arrival so the taller man’s prompt introduction had been a surprise.

They could laugh about it now,  _ thankfully _ , but Aman was still rather embarrassed about how standoffish he’d been for the first month or so. Most previous attempts at friendship with Aman Tripathi had fizzled out within a fortnight tops so Kartik’s persistence had been yet another surprise. It was only then that Aman came to put a little faith in him and with that, the foundation of their relationship was put in place.

Soon enough, their schedules came to be aligned and thrice a week, they’d end up on their balconies, exchanging song recommendations, creating playlists and taking a break from the daily grind for an hour or two. Though their flats were at a stone throw’s distance, neither man had picked up the courage to conduct these sessions  _ at  _ one another’s homes. It hadn’t even been in the realm of possibility that they’d one day move in together but Aman cherished the unique beauty of that dynamic to this day.

This practice had gone on for a few months and Aman had found himself warming up to Kartik till one day, he’d received a voice note. He knew Kartik liked to sing but  _ this  _ had been a new development. Keeping his gaze fixed on the man opposite him, Aman had clicked play. The rendition of the Kishore Kumar classic in Kartik’s voice rang out in the evening air. Even at that distance, he’d seen the thinly veiled fondness in Kartik’s eyes. They’d always been warm and friendly and that had not disappeared but the arrival of something new, something he could see was genuine.. it had shaken Aman.

Cheers and thunderous applause pulled him out of the memory of that trough in their timeline. Meeting his partner’s eyes now, Aman channeled all the warmth and love he possibly could and that Kartik understood what he was trying to say was evident in the brilliant smile he sent his way, filled with the same tenderness and affection. It had not been the case then, however and the contrast made Aman’s heart clench painfully even at this moment.

Kartik  _ had  _ forgiven him for it, Aman knew, but he was still acutely aware of just how much pain the cold shoulder he’d given him. He had all but ran back into the safety of his home, slamming the balcony door shut behind him. Not before seeing the crestfallen expression that mapped itself across Kartik’s face, however.

It was a vision that haunted Aman in the hazy days and sleepless nights that followed as he ignored every call and text that was sent his way. It wasn’t that he hated the man, heavens no. And Aman had explained the same when he’d finally figured out what to say, how to apologise.

It’s not that he didn’t feel the same way, it was that he hadn’t been expecting it. Kartik and.. him? He’d asked for time, afraid that Kartik would turn and run at the opening provided. But instead, he’d allayed all his fears with a warm hug and a promise to stand by him - somehow, his use of the well worn “good things come to those who wait” hadn’t irked Aman. No, it had been reassuring and over those months, Kartik’s affection hadn’t waned in the slightest, and for that Aman was eternally thankful.

Through rain and storm, Kartik had been his guiding light to a place of safety where he could accept that  _ this  _ was going to last and it was alright. That he knew Aman and Aman knew him. Still, though their hearts had long come to see the truth, their minds took a little more convincing.

Kartik opted to sing a few more songs in the same vein and Aman couldn’t help but smile at the way he so effortlessly tied all of them together into a proper narrative. Clearly, many seemed to relate as their faces took on similar expressions as they swayed in time to the music. Aman watched now as Kartik’s expression became one of yearning and wistfulness. 

Clearly, the audience sensed the shift in mood, the next stage of this story as it were, and he saw people shuffle closer to each other. Aman held his breath as Kartik hummed the opening line in lieu of an introduction. This song carried memories of days he both longed to gloss over and relive. It was only with the gift of hindsight that Aman could say that absence did indeed make his heart grow fonder.

30.05. 2014 - 15.07.2014

_ Teri umeed tera intezaar karte hain _

_ Teri umeed tera intezaar karte hain _

_ Aye sanam hum toh sirf _

_ Tumse pyaar karte hain _

_ Jaan - e - mann hum bhi _

_ Tum pe jaan nisaar karte hain _

_ Aye sanam hum toh _

_ Sirf tumse pyaar karte hain _

Around a month after their discussion, Kartik had gone for a conference in Lucknow. In the fortnight that followed, Aman had come to realise just how much the other man meant to him. He found himself scrolling through their chats, thumb hovering over the ‘send’ button for essay-like updates and one line texts alike before retreating and hitting backspace. Honestly, it was a miracle his tasks at work maintained their standard, for they were done more or less on autopilot.

Their balcony rendezvous’ had lost their charm - of course, the classics in their playlist were as beautiful as ever but he’d come to enjoy them  _ with  _ Kartik. Learning what drew him to these melodies, these lyrics in particular had been interesting in itself and told him so much more about Kartik than he’d expected.

In that time, Aman had become comfortable with the idea of a “them” and the longing to actually see Kartik had come to a head the night before he was due to return to Delhi. In the days that followed his return, Aman made a conscious effort to actually show Kartik that he was getting there, slowly. Aman remembered the day all too well - it had been a Saturday, when they’d reconvened on their balconies. It had been a day well spent, a break well earned and it served to reaffirm to Aman that he was heading in the right direction

He’d managed to get a few hours sleep, thankfully and the next afternoon, he willed himself to knock on Kartik’s door - it was his turn to take the leap of faith.

The surprised expression on Kartik’s face on opening that door had quickly given way to a mixture of caution and hope. Knowing it wouldn’t do to monologue at his doorstep, Aman had asked if they could talk inside, and Kartik ushered him into the living room. An awkward silence had fallen between them but Kartik hadn’t moved to break it though it was obvious his mind was running in circles. Instead, he’d rested a hand, ever so gently, over Aman’s fidgeting hands, bringing them to a standstill. The simplicity of that gesture had given him the confidence he needed to finally say the one thing that mattered.

“I  _ like  _ you. It’s just three words and I’m sorry I’ve made it so difficult for you, for  _ us  _ when really it’s so fucking easy to  _ say  _ but I don’t know how to show you. You’re this wonderful, patient, loving person and I’m me.. I’m Aman. I don’t know  _ why  _ you like me in that way but you do and it’s taken me so long to reach even this point - “

At that, emotion had overwhelmed him and cut his planned speech short. Yet, Kartik seemed to have understood, if the silence that followed had been anything to go by. Aman recalled turning his hand and taking hold of the hand of a man who hadn’t once let go. His eyes had been closed throughout, too scared to see how the other man would react to the jumble of words that had come to hang in the air between them. He heard Kartik take a deep breath beside him and his shoulders tensed.

“Are you sure?”

Aman had looked at him then and the expression on Kartik’s face had taken his breath away. There was hope, pride, love and joy so genuine that he couldn’t help but smile. Without a moment’s hesitation, he replied, voice firm and quiet, a declaration for him alone.

“Yes.”

At that, Kartik had pulled his hand away, instead drawing him into an embrace that Aman didn’t ever want to leave. Tears of joy had turned to laughter and it caused him immense relief to see that beautiful smile grace his face once more. Aman hoped he wouldn’t ever be the cause of its absence. He couldn’t promise it, but he sure as hell hoped to try. Kartik was worth all the effort and Aman knew there was a long road ahead of them. That they walked it together, however, made the journey less daunting, and for that, he was thankful.

16.07.2014 - 04.02.2015

_ Tumko dekha toh yeh khayal aaya _

_ Aaj phir dil ne ek tamanna ki _

_ Aaj phir dilko humne samjhaya _

_ Zindagi dhoop tum ghana saaya _

_ Tumko dekha toh yeh khayal aaya _

The transition from friends to something different in addition was absolutely seamless and both found it to be an easy enough change to accommodate. Tentative holding of hands, the almost - dates, the way they eventually came to trust one another with small acts of physical intimacy - a squeeze of the hand, the odd cuddle. Aman found everything to be so much brighter with Kartik around - it was as if he brought sunshine into every aspect of his life, even the places with the heaviest shadows. Most days, he longed to have acted sooner, met Kartik earlier than this because a life before or (God forbid) after him seemed incomprehensible now.

Aman came to trust him with parts of himself he hadn’t ever shown to another person before and Kartik afforded him the same courtesy - something Aman discovered quite early on that he found difficult to do. Too many people had given him  _ just  _ the right amount for Kartik to trust them that little bit too much. Then they’d upped and left, taking almost everything from him, citing the most obscure reasons, the worst of the lot being ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. After he’d heard of possibly the worst of his exes, Aman had barely restrained the urge to find this fool of a man, grab him by the shoulders and demand an answer to only one question: why.

Why? Why had he deemed it even remotely alright to hurt anyone so, let alone a man like Kartik? It was a miracle he’d managed to pick himself up again and though Aman had come into his life about 8 months later, Kartik hadn’t quite managed to put up the walls around his heart once more.

Yet, he’d risked it again, and Aman’s resolve to love this man with all he had only strengthened as time went by. Oddly enough, his ‘lightning bolt moment’, his concrete realisation hadn’t come to him in a moment between them alone, no.

Sitting here in this cafe, Kartik’s voice enveloping them all, Aman let himself go back to that event, so unlikely and truly unforgettable. And really, come what may in the future, this was a night Aman was glad to have been witness to and participant of.


	2. Main Shayar Toh Nahin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> contd.

It was in the first week of February when they’d stopped by their favourite tea stall on the way back to their neighbourhood. There was quite the crowd around the small establishment but the pair had managed to find a seat some way or the other. Aman hadn’t quite yet found the courage to engage in any kind of public displays of affection and he was thankful that Kartik understood and accepted this. They’d sat there watching the constant shift in the crowd until it finally thinned out a bit.

Aman missed immediately the warmth along his side as Kartik rose to place their requests to Karam chacha. He was especially fond of Kartik, and Aman loved hearing all the little anecdotes spanning the 4 years that Kartik had lived here. Their bond was truly unique, both that of a grandfather - grandson and best friends and Aman found the joy with which they interacted now infectious. They’d come to respect and like one another too, the root of their bond being their mutual appreciation for Kartik. It felt a bit like a family to Aman, albeit smaller than the one back in Allahabad, but no less in strength.

As Kartik returned with their beverages in earthen pot cups, Aman noticed a bewildered little girl still sitting there on a bench opposite them. At this time, the place was practically deserted and Aman saw her get increasingly agitated at the realisation that her guardian was nowhere to be found. As he took one cup from the other man, Aman drew his attention towards her. Immediately, he put his own down and made his way towards her.

Crouching down, he tried to pacify her and within moments, she was a lot calmer. Seemingly unaware of both his and Karam’s gazes on them, Kartik coaxed the child into eventually telling him what was wrong. Turning back, he gestured for him to come closer. Aman acquiesced and a few moments later, they’d managed to call and get a hold of her frantic mother who was only 10 minutes away. As they waited with Rhea, Aman watched as Kartik told a series of jokes, funny voices and all. At some point, her tears had stopped and Aman’s heart warmed at the sight of him proffering her a tissue with a small bow, which she accepted with a small giggle.

Their eyes met over her head and at the sight of Kartik’s winsome smile, a sparkle in his eyes sent butterflies running amok in Aman’s stomach. ‘I love you’ - The thought flashed at the forefront of his mind unbidden, in neon colours and flashing lights. Kartik was giving Rhea his undivided attention, nodding at the rambling as if it made complete sense and he was glad for it, too overcome with surprise to have managed to contribute to the conversation.

Aman was snapped out of his thoughts at the call of a woman behind them. Amidst her hugging the life out of her daughter and offering a string of apologies and thanks to both her and them, he and Kartik tried their best to pacify her. As if expecting a rebuttal or harsh judgement, Rhea’s mother seemed to almost plead with Kartik who interrupted her with understanding and sincerity shining through every word.

“It’s okay, I understand. Believe me. What matters is that both you and her are alright, na? Humara kya hai, we weren’t going anywhere in a hurry in the first place and we loved meeting this angel, it was no inconvenience!”

To Aman’s surprise, that prompted the woman to reach forward and clasp Kartik’s hand in hers, tears in her eyes. Her gaze switched between the both of them and Aman tried to smile reassuringly as she thanked them yet again. Moments later, after Rhea hugged her ‘Kartik Bhaiyya’ with a ferocity that didn’t appear to match her stature, the pair said goodbye and they returned to the bench.

Kartik’s chai, long forgotten, had gone cold and he picked up the cup and his disappointment was obvious. This trip was the highlight of their week and Aman would have offered the man his own cup had there been anything left that hadn’t gone cold either.

As he turned away to go procure another set Aman reached out and grabbed his hand. It was impulsive, sudden and took both of them by surprise. Kartik turned on the spot and Aman watched as his gaze travelled from their clasped hands to his face. Searching, waiting, hoping, careful. Aman had never done something like this in public before, so.. what was happening? He could practically see the cogs whirring in Kartik’s mind.

Taking a deep breath, Aman tightened his grip slightly as he felt Kartik trying to pull away. Having retained his fast disappearing courage and holding on tight, Aman looked the taller man in the eye and noticed when he recognised the change within him.

Unconsciously, he leaned forward and Aman reciprocated. Without further ado, he said the words that begged to be let out, the ones dancing on the tip of his tongue, flashing in his mind and causing his heart to race.

“ _ I love you _ ”.

The smile that mapped itself across Kartik’s face damn near left Aman breathless, and he could swear his heart had skipped a beat in that moment. Kartik had shifted the grip slightly to hold his hand properly and Aman felt shivers run down his spine as he squeezed ever so gently.

“ _ I love you too _ ”.

Aman brushed the tears away hastily as applause pulled him away from memory lane yet again. Ah, Kartik had just wrapped up ‘Mera Dil Bhi Kitna Pagal Hai’ and the audience simply would not listen as he tried to get on with the set, instead demanding an encore. And really, he couldn’t blame them. It was one of his favourites too, sounding wonderful in his lover’s voice too - and that in itself was a feat, considering this was, well, Kumar Sanu.

Nevertheless, Kartik managed to convince them that he’d return to it after the whole thing was over - with a nod of approval from Mathur ji - and Aman could see his posture change, knowing what was coming next.

“Well, as per our timeline, this next song is likely the one closest to my heart. It had been the song playing on a particularly special evening and it’s a memory I’ll cherish forever. Now, I’ll get right to it before my emotions get the best of me.”

Aman knew exactly what he meant - the placement of this song on the setlist had been on his recommendation, after all - and the serenity in Kartik’s stance conveyed to him his mind too had gone back to that beautiful time.

14.02.2015

_ Paani lene ke bahaane aaja  _

_ Ki tera mera ek rasta, jind meriye  _

_ Tujhe chaand ke bahaane dekhun  _

_ Tu chhat par aaja goriye, jind meriye _

It had been a relatively stressful day at work, the almost sickening amount of pink he’d endured throughout the day notwithstanding. At this point, Aman was about ready to just curl up in bed, knowing he had nothing else particularly urgent to attend to. Weariness seemed to seep through to the bone and he all but collapsed onto his sofa, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. He’d finally given himself the night off and it was now that all ideas for a proper ‘break time activity’ seemed to elude him. Too tired to cook something respectable, 90% of what aired on the telly was crap, no books waiting on his list.. nothing.

The radio would be playing romantic songs up until midnight and Aman simply couldn’t bear it. Not that the songs in isolation weren’t lovely, but this would be the most horrific kind of oversaturation. No thank you. Just as he’d made up his mind to retire for the night - a few hours of extra sleep never hurt anyone - when he heard a knock on the front door. No doubt it’d be some mischievous child or the other - they’d go away in a few minutes.

But no, this didn’t seem to be a young troublemaker for soon, they shifted to the doorbell, far too high up for any child to reach. Curious, Aman got up to answer at long last, only to come face to face with Kartik Singh. Cheesy as it sounded even to him, Aman felt all the sleep fogging up his mind vanish at the sight of the taller man. He didn’t even wait to be let in, instead demanding that Aman follow him. Not that he wouldn’t, unquestioningly, but..  _ right  _ now?

“Where? Why? How - ”

“Itne sawaal kyun, it’s not like I’m having us run a marathon at this hour na? Just come with me, please.”

Aman didn’t have it in him to push further - the man seemed fit to burst as it was. He just asked for a moment to change out of his attire and within five minutes, they were on the road, Aman holding onto Kartik for dear life as they sped through the bylanes and took a route unfamiliar to him, well away from the heart of the city. Koi nahi, he trusted him with his life, it was just that he didn’t know what work they had to come this far out.

At long last, they came to a stop a few metres away from a small park. Dismounting, Aman waited for Kartik to park the bike as he surveyed his surroundings. The breeze had made an absolute state of his hair and he tried to tame what was fast becoming a mop to no avail. Aman was stopped by Kartik catching his wrist mid air and lowering his arm.

“Don’t, please? You look perfect now too.”

Aman couldn’t help the fond smile that came onto his face at the compliment. He kept his gaze fixed on Kartik’s back as he led them inside. It always took Aman by surprise, when he said things like this, so out of the blue but with utter sincerity. The Gods only knew what he saw in Aman’s rather plain visage but who was he to complain, really?

Eventually, they came to a stop at a single bench in the middle of a clearing. Kartik urged him to sit down and Aman complied without question. The other man took his seat right next to him and Aman was glad for his warmth. It was unusually chilly tonight and he made do with Kartik’s side pressed against his when really he longed to wrap him in a hug. Still, shuffling a little closer, he looked around. What was it that stood out about this place?

Aman watched, confused as Kartik reached out and titled his head upwards and  _ oh  _ -. This was absolutely incredible. Above them was a scattering of stars surrounding the moon and Aman was simply transfixed. He could even distinguish the White Star amongst them and that in itself was a rarity. How had he forgotten to check for this? He’d known the sighting to be predicted at around this date but it had eluded him completely.

He was here now, experiencing this magic because of Kartik.

He turned back to thank the man in question only to find his gaze fixed upon Aman already. What was he doing? The view above them was spellbinding and he was missing out - that simply would not do. He hastened to ask Kartik why he seemed to be  _ admiring  _ Aman instead of the moon and stars only to have him reach out to press a finger to his parted lips.

“I know exactly what you’re going to ask me and here’s my answer: mera chaand toh yahaan mere saamne hi hai, toh kahin aur kyun dekhun main?”

And with that, Aman was a goner. He was thankful for the darkness, hoping it did the job of hiding his blush. How Kartik had it in him to constantly surprise him was beyond his understanding but he’d be lying in saying that his heart hadn’t skipped a beat at the statement.

_ Dil ko mere hua yakeen _

_ Hum pehle bhi mile kahin _

_ Silsila ye sadiyon ka _

_ Koi aaj ki baat nahin _

_ Jab koi baat bigad jaaye _

_ Jab koi mushkil pad jaaye _

_ Tum dena saath mera O humnava _

Eventually, Aman tired of looking up and turned to observe Kartik. The wonder in his eyes had only increased as he took in the beauty of the night sky. Aman was transfixed, there was simply no other word for it. The lamp posted only a metre away cast a warm glow on his face, the light glancing off his nose ring made it look like a star on earth. Aman found he didn’t have it in him to turn away. Moments later, Kartik turned and caught him in the act. Well, if admiration was a crime, then he was guilty as charged.

“What?”

“Kuch nahi. I like it here, with you.”

Aman reached out to take his hand, resting them on his lap. He couldn’t help but marvel at the way they fit - just perfect. It felt natural and he longed to hold on just like this and never let go. Impulsively, he raised their joint hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Kartik’s. The confidence hadn’t arisen as a result of their isolation, no. It was just that it felt right to do so, here and now. He felt loved, cherished,  _ seen  _ and he could only hope Kartik felt the same.

A short distance away, probably from the last home near this park, the opening notes of a well loved song began to play. Catchy and upbeat, light and airy, he believed it only complimented their contemplative silence. At the voices coming together in the titular line for the final time, Kartik’s voice pulled Aman out of his thoughts.

Looking up, he noticed a slightly nervous yet hopeful expression on Kartik’s face. Now, this was unusual. For the past few weeks, he’d been utterly relaxed around him. Till minutes ago, even. So what had changed. He squeezed Kartik’s hand gently in wordless encouragement. Aman’s gaze flickered across his face, observing every small change.

“Will you go out with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	3. Saat Rang Ke Sapne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all's well that ends well - hai na?

Aman would have been a fool to decline and he found it hard to restrain the smile that came onto his face as he recalled Kartik’s reaction. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a few people throw him the odd glance as they applauded, but it simply didn’t matter. Kartik’s brilliant grin more than made up for any of it. Even at this distance, Aman took note of the look that came into his eye.

He watched as Kartik gesture for silence. A few seconds later, he picked up his guitar and played the hook to “Nazar Ke Saamne” - one of Aman’s favourites and he damn well knew it. Shutting his eyes, he chose to forget the world around them for a few moments. This was a song meant for  _ him  _ and yet again, Aman was reminded that he couldn’t actually announce it in a place like this - outside the walls of their home - and he felt his chest tighten slightly in spite of the mood the music had set.

The song came to an end and Kartik called for a brief break, needing to stretch those long legs of his too. They’d turned the final corner in their relationship thus far and Aman tensed in anticipation of what was yet to come. Kartik had been insistent on including this but it was all too fresh in both their memories. Aman had agreed then, understanding his reasoning, but now he was a little unsure.

Taking out his phone, Aman sent him a quick text, watching as he read it from the other side of the room.

“Are you sure about this?”

Having had enough of his fear - this could be perfectly ordinary, an audience member going up to congratulate the singer or some shit - Aman stood up and walked towards him. He had to obtain a verbal assurance. This had happened only months ago and the terror hadn’t quite left them. Kartik had to be certain about this. Quietly, he repeated the question and receiving a response, verbatim from that day, strangely enough, put his mind at rest. 

“I’m okay. Mujhe kuch nahi hoga, I promise.”

Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder just to double check, Aman reclaimed his seat at the table and waited. Seeing Kartik return but decidedly more somber than he’d been only 5 minutes ago, the crowd quieted on their own volition.

“By mutual agreement, my partner and I decided to leave these last 2 songs in. We found it important to address the fact that yes, life can throw its worst in our paths but should we will it, even those hurdles can be overcome. I’m beyond glad, and proud, to tell you that as of tonight, we’ve braved all that’s come our way thus far as a unit. I can only hope that we triumph anything else in the future as we did this. As one. Without further ado, another beauty from the extraordinary Mohammed Rafi and the melodious Sushma ji.”

15.02.2015 - 16.03. 2017

In many ways, Aman was glad that their friendship had been so secure and reliable before romance was added to the mix. It certainly changed things, as was to be expected but Aman welcomed the development. It was interesting, trying to accommodate someone new into one’s life and that came with its own set of difficulties and minor compromises but it wasn’t anything too life altering. As Kartik was fond of saying, ‘anything for love’ and Aman knew he meant it.

They disagreed over the stupidest of things but even those faux arguments were entertaining. The kisses that followed were euphoric. All in all, Kartik was simply a joy to be around. Just days as they’d celebrated their 2 year anniversary, Aman had run into problems at work and try as he might, it hadn’t stayed there. It affected his mood, his behaviour, made him snappier than usual.

And of course, Kartik noticed. At what had likely been the peak of conflict, Aman had left for home quite early. He’d thought it best to let off some steam but that ‘break’ had gone on to the evening.

Well past the time he should ideally have been at home by.

He’d run into trouble along their normal route and took a much shorter path via the back alleys. Only to enter a dark flat, Kartik nowhere in sight. Distractedly, he’d turned on the television to the ever reliable Doordarshan news. Yet, something in the anchor’s voice made him stop and turn. Her normally neutral voice, calm and steady held the slightest inflection of panic. The accompanying visuals over her report told him exactly why.

A collision of 3 vehicles on a busy road. In Delhi. The one that had just been cordoned of on Aman’s return. The route Kartik would have been on at this moment. He had texted him earlier in the day that the workload had worsened slightly. That he’d not, as per usual, be home by 7. That he’d be leaving at that time. It was half past 8 now. What if - ?

Aman couldn’t even bring himself to think it but suddenly, the dark cloud that had seemed to settle over his mind post lunch made sense. Just then, a call, From Kartik. Barely able to control the tremor in his hands and voice, Aman had answered.

“Hello. Kya main Aman se baat kar rahi hoon?”

“Ji. Aur aap.. Kartik kahaan hai?”

“Accha. This is the Central Hospital and Trauma Centre. Mr. Singh has been admitted to the ICU as a result of grievous injuries due to a vehicular accident. He’s in a critical state as of now and seeing as you were the last number he’d called, maine aap hi ko call kiya.”

Aman’s breath had caught at hearing the formality in the unfamiliar woman’s voice. Then, the words Hospital and ICU in succession had made his world tilt on its axis. Reaching out, he steadied himself with the help of a chair. Right, okay. He had to get there immediately. Driving was a senseless idea - no good in landing himself in a bed next to Kartik. Locking their front door behind him, Aman all but ran down the 4 flights of stairs. There was literally no time to lose.

_ Dil ki tarah se haat mile hain _

_ Kaise bhala chootenge kabhi _

_ Teri baahon mein beeti har shaam _

_ Bewafa yeh bhi kya yaad nahin _

_ Bhoolega dil jis din tumhe _

_ Woh din zindagi ka aakhri din hoga _

The auto wale bhaiyya had been wonderfully cooperative, getting Aman to the gate of this hospital in under 15 minutes. The desperation Aman felt overwhelming him must’ve shown in his body language as he’d driven him there, for on paying the fare (an extra 50 for good measure and in gratitude), he’d wished Aman good luck.

“Aap chinta mat karo, bhaisaab, sab theek ho jayega.”

With a shaky smile and thank you, Aman had all but barrelled through the entrance, breath coming out in short pants as he demanded directions to the ICU.

Oh god. It was even worse than he’d ever imagined. The corridor was nothing but chaos. Aman heard the utterance of Kartik’s surname far too often in the wrong sort of tone to feel reassured in the least. Trying to keep his panic at bay, he called Devika and Ravi - they’d want to be updated too.

Within an hour, they were by his side but in that time, he’d received no updates. It came close to midnight yet the activity along the corridor they waited in hadn't reduced even a little, not for a moment. Aman was about to approach someone for an update when a stern looking doctor approached them.

“Family of Mr. Kartik Singh?”

The speed at which he rose left Aman a little light headed but Devika steadied him, answering for them all. The relief that flooded through him on hearing the words ‘lucky’ and ‘relatively minor’ was unlike anything he’d felt to this day. He was going to be alright. The next day, they were allowed to visit and though he looked paler than usual, the only thing that mattered was the sight of a steady heartbeat on the monitor and the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

Without a moment’s hesitation, uncaring for any adverse consequences - hospital protocol was beyond his consideration right now, frankly - Aman pulled up a chair to his bedside and sat down, reaching out to hold Kartik’s hand. Devika mirrored his actions, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. There were tears in both their eyes.

For a few moments, there was not a word spoken. No doubt their thoughts were running along similar lines but Aman guessed she was as reluctant to voice them as he was. The ‘What If’ was haunting them both and there was an innumerable list of things to tack on after it.

Aman was brought back to the present moment when the microphone glitched, cutting Kartik off mid speech. He gestured for an adjustment and tapped it once more to check.

“As we move on to the last song for tonight, I’d like to extend a vote of thanks to everyone who’s made this possible. Firstly, Mathur ji, for giving me this evening to begin with. Not just a single song but a whole set - thank you for showing your trust in me yet again.

To the lyricists, singers and composers of all these beautiful tracks. Your contribution to music and my,  _ our  _ lives has been unparalleled - thank you.

To you, the audience. Your engagement and enthusiasm has made this evening so wonderful and memorable, and I’m glad most of you stuck with me to the end! Happy Valentine's Day - though how much my wish is worth close to midnight is questionable, it’s the thought that counts, hai na?

My trusty guitar, for being my saathi for close to a decade now. It’s damn near the best thing I own, believe me.

Last but not least, the one I’m proud to call my jeevan saathi. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t have it in me to even see myself in the right light. Thank you for accepting my hand in friendship, holding on to it and choosing to never let go when you accepted and reciprocated my feelings for you. Thank you for holding me in my lowest times, for being an uplifting presence every damn day. You make me feel like I can fly. Thank you. I love you.

Now, feel free to join in with this one, it’s likely the most well known ! ”

Cheeky bastard. Aman knew he’d said ‘jeevan saathi’ deliberately. As if he didn’t know it made him grin like a damn fool each time. Nonetheless, he felt some of the despair of the memory of that terrifying day ebb away at the opening verse.

Kartik’s mention of their hands sent a tingle down his arm. It was becoming increasingly likely that he’d never forget the chill of the taller man’s hand, the sight of the tubing, the rising of his veins under skin that looked paper thin.

  
  


_ Unki tamanna dil mein rahegi _

_ Shammaa ise mehfil mein rahegi _

_ Parda nahi jab koi khuda se _

_ Bando se parda karna kya _

Over the course of Kartik’s stay at the hospital, Aman had come to realise with an unexpected degree of clarity the way in which places like this would utterly disarm a person. Granted, within the first week, Kartik was in the clear, but the fear that gripped him at every given moment.. It was unnerving. Each day that Aman set foot in the hospital, he saw so many tableaux of grief, hope, pain and relief that it made his head spin.

In a place like this, there was no use in hiding or pretending. Disbelief and misbelief led to different results and neither was really in Man’s hands, no matter how much one wishes it was the case.

More often than not, he found himself with his hands clasped, praying, begging for Kartik to return. All the irritation that had plagued him for so many reasons had fizzled out to leave only one thing in its place. All focused on one man. Kartik. He wasn’t the most vocal person with regards to his thoughts and emotions but this had pulled everything up to the surface, to the forefront of his mind. Amidst the cacophony in his head, Aman could distinguish one thing that stood out.

Guilt.

It was this emotion most of all that pushed him to apologise, establish that before they could resume life back home.

“I’m sorry. Tumhare saath mujhe aisa bartaav nahi karna chahiye tha. Whatever had been going on at work should have been kept away from you. I know you were struggling with something yourself.. but in my selfishness, I turned a blind eye.

I swear, I’d been meaning to hash it out, explain myself but it was the same evening that the - the collision happened. God, Kartik, I can’t explain to you how the past fortnight has gone by. What if - ”

A small sound from Kartik, clearly one of dissent, made Aman stop in disbelief. How the heavens could he disagree with what Aman was saying?

“I’m going to have to stop you right there, Aman. Listen to me, please. I’ve overcome the worst, look at me! As for the future, I’ll certainly be more careful and well, from the state of us, I think we’ve both recognised how close we’d come to - . No, I won’t say it.

Point is, I’m okay. Mujhe kuch nahi hoga, I promise.”

The agreement, the understanding had proven to be beneficial in more ways than one. To both, this felt like a new lease of life. They returned to their home with renewed determination. Fear no longer presided over love as heavily as it did before. Aman became a bit more confident around him, secure about their relationship. 

04.04.2017 - 03.01.2018

It warmed his heart to see Kartik welcome this change with open arms. So long as they were in Delhi, Aman could more or less guarantee their safety and security. He felt safer now, knowing that a higher entity was looking over them.. but still.

That his family back home had chosen this exact time to renew their effort to get him to establish regular contact with the rest of them too hadn’t escaped his notice either. Aman had, admittedly, been putting off properly reconnecting with them in the time that he and Kartik had been going about establishing a new sort of normal. Come December 31st, they’d about had enough and added him back into the family WhatsApp group. Within 2 days, he’d made his exit, much to Rajni’s frustration.

Persistent woman that she was, his cousin had recruited Keshav into her effort to get him to ‘talk to Taiji for more than 20 minutes in one week, she really does miss you’. He’d tried, but things kept veering towards the topic of marriage all too quickly and each time, it scared the daylights out of Aman. Rajni too, seemed annoyed by it all - ‘I don’t know why she thinks you and Kusum would be a good match but no one wants to listen to my perfectly valid point. 

Aman agreed to this wholeheartedly but it appeared to be that even her attempts at dissuading his stubborn parents were becoming weaker by the day. Why on earth would he agree to marrying Kusum, a woman, when he was completely and utterly in love with a man named Kartik Singh? Aman saw no way out of this maze and so, really had no wish to put himself at its entrance in the first place.

**14.02.2018**

Aman was brought back down to reality with a sharp jolt, his ears ringing. He’d travelled too far down that tunnel of thought to remember the fact that his present was something else altogether. Trying to conjure up a smile, he rose with the rest of them, joining in with the applause.

The man sent a brilliant smile his way and Aman felt his own becoming more genuine. This was Kartik Singh, a true people’s person, at home here in Delhi. His family and the man he loved were akin to oil and water. They would not merge on their own volition, of that Aman was almost completely certain. Though it hurt, Aman had made peace with it about 9 months into their relationship.

Yet, the continuous vibration of his phone sent a sense of foreboding through him. Somehow, the chance that he’d be able to keep it that way was becoming increasingly unlikely. The regular updates on Rajni’s end had hinted at some sort of development on the relationship front and as happy as he was for her, though doubtful of the direction their search had gone in, Aman dreaded to think of what it meant for him. Aman Tripathi, older brother of the bride - to - be.

Aman waited in his seat as the cafe became emptier by the minute, many stopping to chat with his partner. A few pairs of individuals brought a knowing glint into Kartik’s eye and Aman could tell he spent just those few moments longer conversing with them in particular.

Getting to his feet, Aman made his way over to his partner, conversing with the last couple. Coming to stand next to him, Aman wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning against Kartik’s side. They made casual conversation and a few minutes later, bid farewell, finally giving Mathur ji the opportunity to lock up for the night.

Within 20 minutes, they were back home and Kartik went inside to get changed. Yelling at him to take a damn shower too, Aman threw himself onto their sofa, utterly spent. The relative silence was broken by his phone notifying him of 3 new texts. In the sound he’d put in place for Rajni. Hesitantly, he unlocked his phone, smiling fondly at the sight of her profile photo. Then he actually read the texts and, well, what was he to say to that?

“Oye, sun”

“My engagement to Ashok will be taking place next month. Your presence, though hoped for, isn’t compulsory.”

  
“The wedding is planned for September, should everything go to plan. Uske liye toh tujhe aana hi padega. Bas. Ab mujhe kuch nahi sun na. Tujhe aana  _ hi  _ padega.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song list (in order of appearance):
> 
> Mere Saamne Wali Khidki - Kishore Kumar
> 
> Teri Umeed Tera Intezar - Kumar Sanu, Nadeem - Shravan and Sadhana Sargam
> 
> Tum Ko Dekha To Yeh Khayaal Aaya - Jagjit Singh
> 
> Mera Dil Bhi Kitna Pagal Hai - Alka Yagnik and Kumar Sanu
> 
> Ude Jab Jab Zulfein Teri - Mohammed Rafi and Asha Bhosle
> 
> Jab Koi Baat Bigad Jaye - Kumar Sanu and Rajesh Roshan
> 
> Nazar Ke Samne - Kumar Sanu and Anuradha Paudwal
> 
> Kya Hua Tera Wada - Mohammed Rafi
> 
> Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya - Lata Mangeshkar


End file.
